Wussiest Songs

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Days 11-12

2006-08-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

MEGA POOL!

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Friday, September 1. A whole bunch of results coming tomorrow.

#2. "Dear Mama" - Tupac vs.
#15. "Against All Odds" - Phil Collins
She isn't coming back.

#7. "Tutti Frutti" - Pat Boone vs.
#10. "Lovin' You" - Minnie Riperton
That's a note Pat Boone can't hit.

#3. "Right Here Waiting" - Richard Marx vs.
#14. "Sylvia's Mother" - Dr. Hook
Mrs. Avery I just want to talk to her: In the end if I'm with her, I'll take that chance.

#6. "Hip to Be Square" - Huey Lewis vs.
#11. "You're the Inspiration" - Chicago
A totally '80s matchup.

#1. "Ben" - Michael Jackson vs.
#16. "Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer"
A Jacko cover of "Kiss Me" would be outstanding.

#8. "Time in A Bottle" - Jim Croce vs.
#9. "Kites Are Fun" - The Free Design
I got nothing.

#5. "She's Like The Wind" - Patrick Swayze vs.
#12. "Silly Love Songs" - Paul McCartney
Minor key or major key?

#4. "Walking On Sunshine" - Katrina and The Waves vs.
#13. "At This Moment" - Billy Vera
Another totally '80s matchup.

RESULTS TO COME

2006-08-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

I owe you results for pools 5-6 but as things are a bit hectic here I'll put them up tomorrow along with Day 7's results. VOTE if you haven't already (and judging by the comment counts many of you haven't).

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 10

2006-08-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Wednesday, August 30. Day 11 tomorrow.

#1. "Longer" - Dan Fogelberg vs.
#16. "Break Up To Make Up" - The Stylistics
Deeper than any forest primeval, first you love me then you hate me.

#8. "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" - Elton John vs.
#9. "Crying in the Chapel" - The Orioles
It's 4:00 in the morning, dammit, I am happy with the Lord.

#4. "More Than Words" - Extreme vs.
#13. "Eternal Flame" - The Bangles
These might actually be the same song. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

#5. "Alone Again (Naturally)" - Gilbert O'Sullivan vs.
#12. "Angel" - Shaggy
I got nothing.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 9

2006-08-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Tuesday, August 29. Day 10 will be posted tomorrow. Days 5-8 still anxiously await your input.

#2. "Hello" - Lionel Richie vs.
#15. "I'm Into Something Good" - Herman's Hermits
Sad wuss or happy wuss?

#7. "Leaving On A Jet Plane" - Peter, Paul & Mary vs.
#10. "I Need Love" - LL Cool J
Trying to find romance or trying to escape it?

#3. "You Light Up My Life" - Debbie Boone vs.
#14. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
Downtempo or up?

#6. "Annie's Song" - John Denver vs.
#11. "Don't Take The Girl" - Tim McGraw
Life, or...

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 8

2006-08-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Friday, August 25. Day 9 Tuesday (this Tuesday-Friday schedule works around the Labor Day thing pretty well).

#1. "You're Beautiful" - James Blunt vs.
#16. "Wonderful Tonight" - Eric Clapton
After Christina Aguilera I was surprised anyone else could gain such notoriety with a "Beautiful" song. Meanwhile, "Wonderful" is one of multiple songs in this bracket that I've karaoked at some point.

#8. "Babe" - Styx vs.
#9. "Let Me Hold You" - Bow Bow
I often think of Styx and Bow Wow in the same context.

#4. "Muskrat Love" - America vs.
#13. "Butterfly Kisses" - Bob Carlisle
Here's where the specific choice of performer makes this interesting (I meant to make that same observation yesterday re "Such Great Heights"). Without meaning to prejudice any second-round clash, this strikes me as a "Darn you Clippy!" deathmatch.

#5. "Beth" - KISS vs.
#12. "Skyway" - Replacements
Me and the boys will be playing in my stupid hat and gloves all night.

RESULTS: Day 4

2006-08-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

We had our first tie of the tournament, i.e. the first time your host gets to vote.

#1. "Shiny Happy People" - R.E.M. 3-2 over
#16. "Do I Make You Proud" - Taylor Hicks

#9. "Our House" - CSNY 3-3 over
#8. "I Just Called To Say I Love You" - Stevie Wonder
The tie forced yours truly to realize what the CSNY song actually was (apologies to Madness for besmirching their own song by reference). This was actually a very easy tie for me to break.

#4. "Think of Laura" - Christopher Cross 5-1 over
#13. "Amazed" - Lonestar

#12. "I'm Not In Love" - 10CC 4-2 upset over
#5. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion

They say a 12-seed beats a 5-seed at least once a year.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 7

2006-08-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Thursday, August 24. Day 7 will be posted tomorrow. Days 4-6 still anxiously await your input.

#2. "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" - Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand vs.
#15. "Don't Cry" - Guns N' Roses
These would make a plausible mashup.

#7. "How Deep Is Your Love" - Bee Gees vs.
#10. "Scarborough Fair" - Simon & Garfunkel
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and fools breaking us down.

#3. "Such Great Heights" - Iron and Wine vs.
#14. "Please Don't Go Girl" - New Kids on the Block
I got nothing.

#6. "Don't Give Up On Us" - David Soul vs.
#11. "Crash Into Me" - Dave Matthews Band
Starsky & Hutch versus... surprisingly there doesn't seem to be a major motion picture sountrack featuring "Crash".

Apropos of nothing, the track list from "Jenny & Brian Wedding 7/8/2004" (I have no idea who Jenny or Brian are):

1. Sting - Fields Of Gold
2. Sade - By Your Side
3. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow
4. Sarah McLachlan - Ice Cream
5. Norah Jones - Come Away With Me
6. Sting - Whenever I Say Your Name
7. The Beatles - In My Life
8. Van Morrison - Crazy Love
9. Dave Matthews Band - #41
10. Barry White - You're The First, The Last, My Everything
11. Guster - Homecoming King
12. Fleetwood Mac - Silver Springs
13. Sting - When We Dance
14. Sarah McLachlan - Angel
15. Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me
16. Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me
17. Barry White - Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe
18. Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You

RESULTS: Day 3

2006-08-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

If I'm not mistaken, the non-victorious songs in this pod received a total of zero votes.

#2. "All By Myself" - Eric Carmen beat
#15. "When I'm With You" - Sheriff
But Greg is quite right about the underseeding. I probably should have been more thoughtful on how to slot the 17 wildcards.

#7. "Hero" - Mariah Carey beat
#10. "Friday I'm In Love" - The Cure

#3. "Close To You" - The Carpenters beat
#14. "The Reason" - Hoobastank

#11. "On and On" - Stephen Bishop "upset"
#6. "Just The Way You Are" - Billy Joel
...but this is so clearly correct that it's another example of how flawed AOL's ranking was.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 6

2006-08-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Wednesday, August 23. Day 7 tomorrow.

#1. "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - Poison vs.
#16. "What Hurts The Most" - Rascal Flatts
Ah, breakup songs... I was denied permission to use either of these as a wedding processional.

#8. "Too Shy" - Kajagoogoo vs.
#9. "You Had Me From Hello" - Kenny Chesney
Modern medicine falls short of the moment that I looked into your eyes.

#4. "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - Wham vs.
#13. "Could've Been" - Tiffany
Chris Griffin has performed exactly one of these in a Family Guy skit. I have sung exactly one of these in a karaoke bar.

#5. "So Sick" - Ne-Yo vs.
#12. "Mandy" - Barry Manilow
Oh answering machine, you kissed me and stopped me from something, but I sent you Ben-Gay.

RESULTS: Day 2

2006-08-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

Lots of close calls. Check me on these.

#1. "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" - Culture Club 7-1 over
#16. "Dancing in the Dark" - Bruce Springsteen

#8. "She Believes In Me" - Kenny Rogers 4-3 over
#9. "I'll Make Love To You" - Boyz II Men

#4. "Superman (It's Not Easy)" - Five For Fighting 4-3 over
#13. "Friends and Lovers" - Gloria Loring & Carl Anderson

#5. "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You" - 'NSYNC 5-2 over
#12. "I Honestly Love You" - Olivia Newton-John

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 5

2006-08-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Tuesday, August 22. Day 6 will be posted tomorrow. Days 2-4 still anxiously await your input.

#2. "I Want It That Way" - Backstreet Boys vs.
#15. "(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight" - Cutting Crew
Believe me when I say it must have been something you said.

#7. "2 Become 1" - Spice Girls vs.
#10. "To Be With You" - Mr. Big
Or if you insist, 2 B With U

#3. "True" - Spandau Ballet vs.
#14. "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" - Glenn Medeiros
Totally '80s on both counts.

#6. "Invisible" - Clay Aiken vs.
#11. "Hey There Lonely Girl" - Eddie Holman
I don't think Ruben Studdard could have pulled off either of these.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 4

2006-08-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Friday, August 18. Day 5 will be posted Monday.

#1. "Shiny Happy People" - R.E.M. vs.
#16. "Do I Make You Proud" - Taylor Hicks
SHP is apparently the Duke basketball of this field.

#8. "I Just Called To Say I Love You" - Stevie Wonder vs.
#9. "Our House" - CSNY
I once left the chorus of "I Just Called" as a voicemail message. Apparently the highlight was the abrupt click as I hung up. Meanwhile, a letter between siblings...

#4. "Think of Laura" - Christopher Cross vs.
#13. "Amazed" - Lonestar
You already know that every 13-seed, every 14-seed, and one randomly lucky 15-seed are my arbitrary additions to the field. Of those, "Amazed" is the song whose omission from the AOL list surprised me most.

#5. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion vs.
#12. "I'm Not In Love" - 10CC
Far across the distance and spaces between us, it's just a silly phase I'm going through.

RESULTS: Day 1

2006-08-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

Scroll down: Days 2 and 3 are still anxiously awaiting your vote.

#2. "If" - Bread by an 8-1 margin over
#15. "Daydream Believer" - The Monkees

#10. "I Do (Cherish You)" - 98 Degrees" by a unanimous 8-0 over
#7. "Vindicated" - Dashboard Confessional

#3. "All Outta Love" - Air Supply by a 7-1 margin over
#14. "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - Death Cab For Cutie

#11. "I Knew I Loved You" - Savage Garden by a 6-3 margin over
#6. "You've Got A Friend" - James Taylor

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 3

2006-08-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Thursday, August 17. Day 4 will be posted tomorrow, as will results from Day1. Please vote on the first two (below) if you haven't already.

#2. "All By Myself" - Eric Carmen vs.
#15. "When I'm With You" - Sheriff
What if you weren't here but I weren't alone either? Would I love the one I was with?

#7. "Hero" - Mariah Carey vs.
#10. "Friday I'm In Love" - The Cure
I'm baffled that AOL considered "Friday" The Cure's wussiest plausible offering.

#3. "Close To You" - The Carpenters vs.
#14. "The Reason" - Hoobastank
Close To You, i.e. not quite with you but quite by myself.

#6. "Just The Way You Are" - Billy Joel vs.
#11. "On and On" - Stephen Bishop
I had an old keyboard that would autoplay "Just The Way You Are" for some reason.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 2

2006-08-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

(Did I say "Day 2 will be posted Monday, August7"? Oops: I stink. But no more dallying...)

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Wednesday, August 16. Day 2 will be posted tomorrow.

#1. "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" - Culture Club vs.
#16. "Dancing in the Dark" - Bruce Springsteen
Totally '80s...

#8. "She Believes In Me" - Kenny Rogers vs.
#9. "I'll Make Love To You" - Boyz II Men
These both seem astonishingly underseeded to me. Not to bias the second-round matchup or anything.

#4. "Superman (It's Not Easy)" - Five For Fighting vs.
#13. "Friends and Lovers" - Gloria Lorina & Carl Anderson
What would you think if I told you I'm only a man in a silly red sheet?

#5. "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You" - 'NSYNC vs.
#12. "I Honestly Love You" - Olivia Newton-John
My wife tells me that the unrealized romance in "I Honestly Love You" is (would have been) someone cheating on their spouse. Discuss.

128 Wussiest Song Tournament: Day 1

2006-08-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

All votes must be received by 17:00:00 PST Friday, August 11. Day 2 will be posted Monday, August 7.

#2. "If" - Bread vs.
#15. "Daydream Believer" - The Monkees
Do you like your gooey hazy oldies from before or after America lost its innocence?

#7. "Vindicated" - Dashboard Confessional vs.
#10. "I Do (Cherish You)" - 98 Degrees"
Emo bands may be all pretentious but at least they perform original material.

#3. "All Outta Love" - Air Supply vs.
#14. "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - Death Cab For Cutie
I think Death Cab should start covering Wolfmother songs but that's neither here nor there.

#6. "You've Got A Friend" - James Taylor vs.
#11. "I Knew I Loved You" - Savage Garden
Useless trivia that I did not know until now: We have Savage Garden to thank for knocking the Princess Di version of "Candle in the Wind" off of #1.

Wild Card Songs (Alpha by Song Title)

2006-08-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

Amazed Lonestar
At Seventeen Janice Ian
At This Moment Billy Vera
Butterfly Kisses Bob Carlisle
Could've Been Tiffany
Eternal Flame The Bangles
Friends and Lovers Gloria Lorina & Carl Anderson
Foolish Beat Debbie Gibson
I Will Follow You Into The Dark Deathcab For Cutie
I'm With You Avril Lavigne
Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Astley
Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You Glenn Medeiros
Please Don't Go Girl New Kids on The Block
The Reason Hoobastank
Sylvia's Mother Dr. Hook
That's What Love Is All About Michael Bolton
When I'm With You Sheriff

Ground Rules: 128 Wussiest Song Tournament

2006-08-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

128-song single elimination tournament. One week per voting period. Four matchups per voting period. Votes will be accepted only through the COMMENTS WIDGET of this weblog.

Songs 1 thru 111 come straight from AOL's list and will maintain that relative order. 17 other songs are wild cards chosen completely arbitrarily by your control freak of a host. In the interest of fairness (read: AOL did a subpar job assembling their list if you ask me), I'm seeding these guys in as 13-seeds (plus a 14), and not putting them in at the end like a normal person would. If you object, feel free to vent.

This post is also the best place to complain that deserving songs made neither AOL's list nor my appendix.

Welcome To Wussiest Songs

2006-08-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

Vote wisely.